May. 10th, 2018

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I need to find someone as unusually pro-divorce as I am to get briefly legal-benefits married to and then throw an elaborately themed divorce party with. ideally this event has an arts and crafts table
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peteseeger:

The obliteration of the US’ rail system is a direct and personal attack on me
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@severalowls hypothetically we’re friends and/or lovers and/or amicable exes who knew what we were signing up for (eventually getting divorced) and we agree on a time to get divorced based on best economic feasibility, whether we still get or still need any benefits we married for, best time to have a party with our various friends (mutual and individual), and just generally how we’re feeling about it. it’s one party for both of us, potentially with two separate bachelor-to-be parties prior to the divorce (this sounds a little more elaborate than I would probably really plan, I’m not thinking the actual equivalent of a bachelor(ette) party, more of a this-is-my-excuse-to-have-a-potluck-movie-night get together with some friends). the party is in no way spite or anger based, it’s a fun reimagining of popular narratives about the meanings of marriage and divorce.

fun divorce fact. according to doyledivorcelaw.com, “The week of January 12-16 has the highest rate of divorce filings annually.” isn’t that magical?

@depressedbatman depends on the benefits. like, we could be married for one or a few tax periods, and get those benefits with each other before, say, moving on to get married to different people. married for immigration purposes, to temporarily share insurance. or, tbh, just married for the sake of sharing this passion! unfortunately the cowards in the California state government won’t let you change your first name through marriage (though they’re better than New York, where you can’t use it to change your middle name either)

sidenote: I think someone who wants to share this divorce fantasy with me should and would be willing to sign a thoughtfully written and legally binding prenup clarifying that we’re not merging assets and what’s one person’s does not become the other person’s just because of this marriage. i think we could both agree that in this, of all cases, there’s no reason to harbor romantic notions about shared finances or guaranteed goodwill. I think a lot of people think of a prenup as not trusting your spouse(-to-be) and while many prenups are for sure written that way, I like to think that a fair and considerate prenup can be a contract of love and trust, a safety net that says “should our relationship sour, we want each other and ourselves to be treated well in resource (re)distribution”

fun prenuptial agreement fact: the Jewish ketubah, usually referred to as a marriage contract, is a prenuptial agreement
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1) the cis gay furry guys I follow who rb lesbian, bisexual, and trans content (political solidarity stuff but also like, memes and relevant furries). I just this they’re nice!

2) making myself some tasty food and eating it

3) learning and growing

4) slow burn romances where you can see the point where they’re clearly already recognizing each other with thought and kindness and healing each other through and for love but haven’t gotten together yet and you’re like THEY! ARE! GOING! TO! FALL! IN! LOOOOOOVE!

5) color orange
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when I was a young child I thought Soren the barn owl from the guardians of ga'hoole series was cute. here’s a no-particular-order list of some of my miscellaneous childhood media crushes: hitsugaya toshiro from bleach. brainiac five from legion of superheroes. haku from spirited away. Soren from gaurdians of ga'hoole. himura kenshin from rurouni kenshin. both yue and yukito from Cardcaptor Sakura but not really touya. Link from Legend of zelda Twilight princess. like 15-20% of the cast of fullmetal alchemist, of course I had a crush on edward elric of fucking course I did, dude. I’m going to be honest: a good 15-20% of the cast of homestuck. fujiwara-no-sai from hikaru no go. its weird having a media-and-celebrities-and-crushes experience that’s intermittently cultural narrative standard and “excuse me you fucking what”. like, around late middle school I definitely liked Adam lambert and my chemical romance and panic at the disco so that sounds pretty mainstream, right? like yeah I liked them because of gay fanfiction but being 13 and thinking Brendon urie is cute is a mass phenomenon. but my redacted redacted interest in redacted is just like. that’s considered weird in an adult and basically unspeakable in a child. on the less unspeakable but still unusual side: me at 15: oh I love this fanfiction about hockey star Sidney Crosby getting possessed. he’s really cute.
undeleterious: two sambal oelek chili paste jars filled with black and pink paper stars, in front of some animorphs books on a shelf (Default)
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fanfiction is dangerous because you could end up with a type like “ghosts”. at least if you just consume popular media as a kid your type will probably be “gender conforming”, which is awful but more practical. what do you do with “ghosts”
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yungmethuselah:

The words compulsive and compulsory are… different.
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the LGBT community concepts of nonbinary and, in fact, trans identity, are mostly tangential to the majority of gender systems I’ve ever read about. e.g. the six gender Jewish system is, in basic intent, various categories of intersex, and in concept hostile to most categories of trans and nonbinary people.

many gender systems seem to have, basically, AMAB men (who conform to gender roles for their category and usually don’t have sex with men), AFAB women (who conform to gender roles for their category and usually don’t have sex with women), a category for transfeminine people (AMAB women and people who are absent of or mix genders) and man-loving AMABs, and sometimes a category for transmasculine people (AFAB men and people who are absent of or mix genders) and woman-loving AFABs.

of course there are tons of societies that have had and do have systems that don’t fit this typology in big and small ways, e.g. seeing homosexuality as gender standard behavior for AMAB men and AFAB women, having weak or absent gender based roles, separating AMAB women and AFAB men from people who are absent of or mix genders.

and of course this whole typology is like, untrustworthy nonsense from the guy who doesn’t know jack shit (me), and my “studies” of this topic are heavily inflected by sources with terrible and/or colonialist gender politics (I say and/or and not just and because I don’t think white people writing about, like, Ancient Greece, are really colonialist per se, they’re just awful. like sure their gender politics are colonialism-inflected but I don’t think what they’re enacting is itself colonialism. anyway). and by my own terrible and colonialist political biases.

anyway, they are mostly pretty different from the neat (LGB)T community standard “men, women, and nonbinary are all essential and primary categories.” and super different from like, “everything on this MOGAI gender listing is a class” and also often different from like… “gay men are men” and “lesbians are women” because uhhhh what-we-would-now-call-LGBT people in the past often conceptualized themselves in terms that we would now tend to find disagreeable and unsavory, and who-we-would-be-inclined-to-call-LGBT people who formed their sex and gender politics in different cultural and ideological environments may as well and it’s all, uh, well, pretty complicated. I don’t think there’s any one way to put this puzzle together correctly.

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